So I've finally given in to my better judgement and realized that I am not super woman after all. I've started seeing a therapist. I guess the loss of self from being just a wife and a mother and having nothing else for myself finally got to me. Damn my parents for raising such an independent productive member of society!!! (shaking my fist). Of course there are other reasons. But every mom can attest to the stresses of raising children. I really don't know how parents of 4 or 5 do it, let alone 2 or 3. And the question may exist as to why I thought I was super woman in the first place. But that's a conversation for the therapist. :) However it brings me to my topic of the day. Seeking help in the first place. Everyone has their own idea or definition of therapist. It can be anyone. Someone that you trust that is willing to take on the weight of your life and your woes along with their own. A work counselor, AA, a general physician, a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Even when you're younger, school counselors are able to do the same. I would know. I relied on them heavily growing up due to my hard times. But whatever you choose to call it. Whatever you choose to seek. It's completely up to you. It doesn't matter. The point is that you do seek help when you need it without feeling guilty. The reason why I am talking about this is that I know how hard it can be to sacrifice so much of yourself. The more I think about it, the more I think I sacrificed so much of myself for other people or things in the past. And it has built up to this very poignant moment in my life where I am the middle of some pretty crazy important self discovery. And for me, it's necessary to talk to someone about it. Otherwise I cannot be responsible for what might happen. OK, that was a joke. :)
Why bring this up? Why does it matter? Aren't there more important things to talk about? Are you trying to tell me I need therapy? The answers are this. I am bringing this up because firstly, the statistics for depression in the US have not been updated for 12 years even with all that's gone on in the country. And why wouldn't it matter? We live in a media drowning matrix. And something has to give doesn't it? People die every day because they feel like they have no-one to turn to. No-one cares about them or their problems. Those in what would look on the outside like normal, happy families. And the fact of the matter is even with our progressive morals, seeking help is still semi looked down upon or seen as a tiny bit taboo. And I'm sorry there isn't much that tops the list of things that are important other than sanity. I guarantee that every 1 to 2 people you associate with either have a depressive/mental condition and/or have one and don't want to acknowledge it.
I was reminded today about the extent of the war. The suicide rate of soldiers is 1 per day since 2012 began. It's the highest it's been in 10 years. Those poor men are coming back from overseas and feel trapped. PTSD, depressions, alcoholism, drug addiction. God knows what they've seen. And sadly enough, that's just scratching the surface of what people are dealing with. That doesn't even include the physical illnesses that cause the latter conditions. Then there are the many post partum mental/mood disorders. I believe every woman should be screened for this before giving birth. There should be a survey to fill out with questions in every OB/GYN that filters out the women who are most susceptible to it. This way they can give the proper guidance and literature on the subject. I found out a year after my daughter was born that it ran in my family because none of my family members even mentioned it to me.
But there are more influences on us rather than just the ones you can see at eye level. The food we eat, and even the air we breathe. We live in a very toxic world. You can do the best you can with what you have, but you are not Superman, or Superwoman. And the fact is...that's OK. There is absolutely more strength in asking for help than there is in sitting in a dark corner, never living your life because you are afraid to be happy.
And in my experience the only thing that comes out of therapy and talking to another soul about your problems is progress. Whether is be positive or negative, it's progress. Through positive progress comes breakthroughs, better relationships with your family and friends and better functioning in society and at work. Through negative progress comes change. Which even though it takes work, eventually leads to positive outcomes. It leads to peace. It leads to happiness. Now I know there are those that have seen a therapist and still feel lost. No one circumstance is easily explainable nor is it easy to work through. But if you don't try, you'll never know. So despite the mole hills or mountains ahead of you you are NOT alone. There is hope and light through the darkness. There are days where I even have to remind myself of that. And it's true. So here's hoping you can find peace and happiness through all your dark days and hard nights. Regardless if you need it or not.
-V
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity."
Edgar Allen Poe
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