"On comes the rushing" (published 02/2015)

So lately I feel invisible. The snow has kept me in and I'm restless beyond words. I am feeling like a caged bird. I am entering the stage of my disorder that I actually hate the most. But, at least it is when I start to become the most creative. So I guess there's a rainbow in every pile of poop. HA! So this poem is meant to describe what my disorder is for me. Which is Bipolar 2 rapid cycling, mixed mood, with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. And just a touch of Obsessiveness. Not quite OCD. But just a smidgen. Just a hair. Anyway, here it is: 

   On comes the rushing. The fervent spinning of the wheel. The magnificent, beautiful rise. Of energy. Vibration...and life. When I can touch the stars with my soul. When I can see in my minds eye the dance my blood does as my heart beats it through my veins. The awakening is happening. The feeling of freedom.

Here it comes(whispering). The wanting. The heights. The desires. The thoughts. To brighten my way. Lighten my days. Making clear the blessed world until everything is shiny and new again. And it is glorious. It is Magical. For a day. A week. A month.......a minute. 

Slowly though, the color begins to fade. Stability dulls with the decline. The blue skies begin to darken. The rich sunset hues of orange and yellow turn to grey and black. Important things and people become passersby. Dots in the background. Stillness becomes the norm. And the pileup becomes a comfort. 

A sweet melancholy. 

Of loneliness.

And the inevitable..........isolation. 

Paranoia starts to creep in. Anxiety decides to come for a visit. Fear...grips. Intrusiveness, pollution. All I see is darkness. My chemistry has betrayed me. It has squashed my hopes. My ambition. My existence. For now. 

Until the lightning strikes. 

And then...On comes the rushing...

-V 2015